These two drive me crazy, but I couldn’t be more blessed!
I feel like, as of late, I’m just speeding through what we’ve been doing!! I know that we are busy- but I can see from the lives of my friends and co-workers that as the kids get older things are going to get even more busy! So, I try not to rush and I really do try and make the most of the time we get to spend together!
I’m being more intentional with what time we have together. And my goal is to make better decisions about how we spend our time as a family. I’m not pushing Stratton to play every sport that comes up (like seems to be the way of most families where we live) and I’m not signing Arden up for activities to help her “grow and develop life skills”, like gymnastics and kinder-music etc. . .Not that there is anything wrong with having activities! But there is something wrong with kids being so busy they can’t be kids. I feel like the time we are given with them when they are young (right now) is the most important to helping shape and solidify our family relationships! I want my kids to be content on a random Friday night if we just stay in and do nothing but play and enjoy each other’s company. That’s enough. We don’t need to always have plans or be with a group. It’s hard sometimes for me, you know I really like to be around people and want to entertain or go out with friends or have something fun to do. So I’m learning as well! I just want our little family to have a closeness and I think that can only come from spending time together.
In that same thought process, I have come to realize that I also need less going on in my life. So I am working on being less busy as well. I am learning to say “No” to activities for both me and the kids. I read something recently about wearing busyness as a badge of importance. I am so guilty of that!! I sometimes think if we aren’t busy then we aren’t being engaged, useful or productive or living a full life! But being busy all the time leaves little time for what is really important!
I am trying, gradually I might add, to turn my way of thinking more to just being able to say “No” to some activities and projects, so that I can say “Yes” to my kids and husband. I started reading a book several months back about this and I didn’t even have to read very far in it when I had an Ah-Ha moment! So now, I’m trying to be more considerate about things I commit myself to. I think about what I will be gained and what will have to be sacrificed. Because every time I say “Yes” to something additional it’s a sacrifice, whether it be my time, energy, money, etc. . . .and how is that going to affect MY FAMILY. Not just me.
When I say “Yes” to endless small demands, it takes up precious time and puts more stress on me which makes me less attentive to my kids and husband, less patient and less loving. So really, I’m saying “No” to them. That’s just not how I want to live. I want to say “Yes” to the ones that matter most first! They deserve to get the very best me, not the left over tired, cranky, impatient me. Right?!
But saying “No” is so hard for me! I am a people pleaser. It’s just who I am. There is nothing in the world I hate worse than knowing I disappointed someone! I feel pressure from friends, people at church, school and work and sometimes even my family! And I don’t want to disappoint them! I was recently called a “slacker” by a friend when talking about my commitment to Stratton’s school and how we aren’t very involved in the PTA. She was joking, but it still made me wonder if that’s what others might think. Surprisingly, after I explained to her why I don’t feel compelled to give the school more of my time and money, she completely understood and even confided in me that she wished she could be more like that, but just couldn’t. Because of what EVERYONE ELSE would think of her and she felt that she has already said “Yes” so many times she now feels it’s expected of her!! Whew! That is a lot of pressure! I get it! I feel the same way, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore!! I don’t want to be bullied into doing something because I feel pressure or guilt! But it’s hard because this is what I hear in my head: “I want to do what is expected of me, I don’t want to disappoint anyone”. . . “I don’t want others thinking I am not pulling my weight.” . . . “I don’t want my love or commitment for my child/church/school/job to be questioned!”. Here’s what I know, each person has a set of priorities, and you have to base your time and energy accordingly. There is never enough time, so when you keep saying “Yes” to things that come up something has to give. What you “give” is up to you. If you “give” up time with your husband to stay up late and make cupcakes for a baby shower at church (as I have done many times) it may be worth it to you (Hello, it’s for a CHURCH shower!) but what will it cost you. And what is the reason you made the commitment. Is it out of love and a desire to serve or is it out of obligation, pressure, or fear of disappointment?? I’m not saying never help! I’m saying that I need to be more aware of why I say “Yes” and how my commitments affect the ones who are most important to me! Say “Yes” when the cause is worthy, needed and necessary, and not just because you don’t know how to say “No”.
I’m not yet sure how to deal with feeling guilty (I myself have MAJOR guilt issues) about saying no. I’m praying about it and I feel like God will help me with it. I am already able to feel confident that I am making the best decision I can for MY family and MY situation. When I have recently said “No”. I would like to believe that over time it becomes easier and easier because I can see the positive outcomes and I’m less stressed, proof that I made the right decision!
When I am not pulled in a thousand different directions, and I’m not as stressed, my attitude is better, I have more patience and I’m able to be the mom and wife my family deserves.
I would Highly recommend the book; The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst
I going to try and read all her books at some point, they all look like something I need to hear!
