I decided that I need to write more letters to Stratton. I love getting letters. Jarrod is pretty good about writing sweet things in cards and notes since he knows how much I love it. Knowing that he took the time (which is more precious than gold these days!) to stop, think about me and put a pen to paper and tell me how he feels . . . well, it's just the best thing he could possibly give me. In fact, a lot of times when he asks what I want for my birthday or some other holiday, I tell him- "Just write me a letter". I love to go back and read those sweet words. I know that Stratton probably won't appreciate the sentiments expressed by a letter as much as I do, but maybe someday he can pull these out and at least know that I loved him enough to take the time to sit down and think about him and tell him how I feel. . . .
Stratton,
You are a year old today and the past year has gone by so fast! People try to tell you how quickly the time goes by when you have a new baby, but there is no way to be prepared for the reality of how fast it really flies by. How quickly you grew and how fast you have learned! It’s like I blinked and here we are. We have enjoyed so many moments with you over the last 12 months. You are such a blessing to our lives.
Of course a newborn, especially you being our first, does not come without challenges. Of course in your case, our challenges began before you were ever born, and I’m sure you will hear about this for the rest of your life. Thankfully, you made it into the world safe and sound and have been changing our lives ever since that moment. Changes that are astonishing to me.
When your dad and I decided to have a baby, we knew it would change things. I was prepared for the change in the dynamic of our family, going from just the two of us to three was going to be a big life change, but I felt we were ready. I was ready for the changes in our lifestyle-where we went, when we went and what we spent our money on, the people we spent time with, and the way we spent our time. But I was confident that it would all be a change for the better. I was anxious to see the change in me as a person and your dad as well, from two people wrapped up in their own lives to two people wrapped up in one life {yours}! I expected my relationship with God to change. I hoped that having a child of my own would help me understand more fully the sacrifice that He made by sending His Son here to the earth to live and die saving us from sin. There are many things that I thought would change and they all did, mostly like I had anticipated, but there are a few that weren’t so expected . . .
Mainly, I never expected you to change the way I loved. But you did.
It’s strange, the love for a child. You see, it’s all backwards to how we love others, but maybe it shouldn’t be. In life we “love” last. In most other relationships in our life we like someone first, we see that we have things in common, so then we spend time with them and begin a relationship with them based on our experiences together and eventually, whether on a platonic level or romantic level, we decide to love them. And I think it is a decision. However, with your child the love is already there. There is no deciding it-it’s already decided for you. Maybe that’s what is so special and different about a love for your child. It’s an intense, indescribable, all consuming love that takes over your mind, body and soul. I have heard it said having a child is like watching your heart walking around outside of your own body, and that is a perfect description because that is exactly what it feels like.
Stratton, you are so loved! You have no idea how much, and you will probably never know. And you’re not just loved by me and your dad; there are a whole huge group of people that love you, people you don’t even know yet love you! Never ever forget that for a minute. Your life is a blessing to others, whether you realize it or not. In your short life you have already blessed so many people just by being on this earth and being you. And you are so special! You are a joy to be around. We constantly hear what a good baby you are and how cute you are by friends and strangers! Your little smile lights up a room! You make us so proud! You can be a little stinker but you always keep us smiling!
Your life has made me love your dad more deeply than I ever thought I could. Even before you were born he was a great husband and father. He took such good care of us during those difficult times before you were born and when things got hard he didn’t back down or break down he was my rock. Having you has reaffirmed my love and commitment to him. Since you came along I see a different side to him, one that is so unselfish and so giving. He stays up late and gets up early so that I can get sleep. He stays home when he would rather be out hunting and fishing because he knows I need his help. He works long hours and works hard around the house and is the most helpful husband and father I have ever met! I don't know how I got so lucky, I am thankful everyday for him and his commitment to us. I hope you will learn from him and someday be the kind of man he is.
You have made me love my parents more, realizing now the kind of love they have always had for me. It makes me feel guilty for all the heartache I caused them over the years. I understand now how they could love me, even after all the trials of my childhood, and the challenges of raising a back talking, sassy teenager and the unthinkable pain of letting me go- to college, (even overseas for three months) and then eventually giving me away in marriage. What devoted parents I had to always love and support me through all that! I can’t imagine having better parents to teach me lessons of life but more important lessons in loving and serving the Lord.
You have made me love the church and the friends we have there even more. We have been so blessed by them since you were born. So many people prayed for your safe arrival and gave us gifts and brought us food . . . what a blessing to have such a wonderful church family.
And lastly, you have changed the way I love my life. When you were born you created in me a real reason for living and loving my life. So many days have come and gone without so much as an acknowledgement that they were even here. But with you everyday is precious. I love my life as monotonous as it may be. I love our cozy and now cluttered house (I used to clean like a maniac, but not anymore). I love our time at home; boring days of playing in the floor in our jammies (I used to be so bored sitting at home, but not anymore). I love reading to you, even though you won’t sit still for more than a minute. I love mealtime and how much you enjoy making a mess (Oh, how I hate messes! But your messes are different). I love taking you to church. I love seeing you interact with other kids. I love our busy, crazy life. I love our family of three. And I love that you made all happen. I know this is where God wants me to - right here in this moment - loving my ordinary life and ever grateful for my extraordinary blessings.
Thank you; you will never know how much you have changed my life and how much you have taught me about love. Well, at least not until you have your own child.
Happy birthday Stratton,
I love you today and tomorrow and forever,
Mommy
