And hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about her.
There are several times this past year when I will see something or remember something randomly and it hits me and I will have myself a little cry. Like cooking with her dressing pan, or finding a card she made Stratton in his treasure drawer, or even seeing a crystal hummingbird in TJ Maxx. Ha! I had to buy it by the way, since it made me cry and all! But overall, I think it’s been an easier year than I thought it would be. For all of us. I think in my opinion we’ve all done better and been better at going on without her than I thought was possible. Not that we are used to it, but I think life just moves on and we all had to deal with that rather quickly. It’s of course not the same and I feel like we will adapt to the new normal, but we will never get used to her not being around. I miss her terribly some days more than others, and sometimes I think about her and get really sad, and sometimes I think about her and smile. I guess that’s the cycle of grief though. I can easily let myself get emotional over the fact that my kids are growing and changing and I wish they could have had more time with her, but then I have to remember that while they can’t see her and have a relationship with her on this earth anymore, she is a part of everything they do and she is continually watching them grow and experience life just from a different perspective. This year has just been one roller coaster, and I have learned so much. Mostly, that we can’t take one single day for granted. And that I am so greatly blessed!