Stratton's birthday letter

I decided that I need to write more letters to Stratton. I love getting letters. Jarrod is pretty good about writing sweet things in cards and notes since he knows how much I love it. Knowing that he took the time (which is more precious than gold these days!) to stop, think about me and put a pen to paper and tell me how he feels . . . well, it's just the best thing he could possibly give me. In fact, a lot of times when he asks what I want for my birthday or some other holiday, I tell him- "Just write me a letter". I love to go back and read those sweet words. I know that Stratton probably won't appreciate the sentiments expressed by a letter as much as I do, but maybe someday he can pull these out and at least know that I loved him enough to take the time to sit down and think about him and tell him how I feel. . . .

Stratton,

You are a year old today and the past year has gone by so fast!  People try to tell you how quickly the time goes by when you have a new baby, but there is no way to be prepared for the reality of how fast it really flies by. How quickly you grew and how fast you have learned! It’s like I blinked and here we are. We have enjoyed so many moments with you over the last 12 months. You are such a blessing to our lives.

Of course a newborn, especially you being our first, does not come without challenges. Of course in your case, our challenges began before you were ever born, and I’m sure you will hear about this for the rest of your life. Thankfully, you made it into the world safe and sound and have been changing our lives ever since that moment. Changes that are astonishing to me.

When your dad and I decided to have a baby, we knew it would change things. I was prepared for the change in the dynamic of our family, going from just the two of us to three was going to be a big life change, but I felt we were ready. I was ready for the changes in our lifestyle-where we went, when we went and what we spent our money on, the people we spent time with, and the way we spent our time. But I was confident that it would all be a change for the better.  I was anxious to see the change in me as a person and your dad as well, from two people wrapped up in their own lives to two people wrapped up in one life {yours}! I expected my relationship with God to change. I hoped that having a child of my own would help me understand more fully the sacrifice that He made by sending His Son here to the earth to live and die saving us from sin. There are many things that I thought would change and they all did, mostly like I had anticipated, but there are a few that weren’t so expected . . .

Mainly, I never expected you to change the way I loved. But you did. 

It’s strange, the love for a child. You see, it’s all backwards to how we love others, but maybe it shouldn’t be. In life we “love” last. In most other relationships in our life we like someone first, we see that we have things in common, so then we spend time with them and begin a relationship with them based on our experiences together and eventually, whether on a platonic level or romantic level, we decide to love them. And I think it is a decision. However, with your child the love is already there. There is no deciding it-it’s already decided for you. Maybe that’s what is so special and different about a love for your child. It’s an intense, indescribable, all consuming love that takes over your mind, body and soul. I have heard it said having a child is like watching your heart walking around outside of your own body, and that is a perfect description because that is exactly what it feels like.

Stratton, you are so loved! You have no idea how much, and you will probably never know. And you’re not just loved by me and your dad; there are a whole huge group of people that love you, people you don’t even know yet love you! Never ever forget that for a minute. Your life is a blessing to others, whether you realize it or not. In your short life you have already blessed so many people just by being on this earth and being you. And you are so special! You are a joy to be around. We constantly hear what a good baby you are and how cute you are by friends and strangers! Your little smile lights up a room! You make us so proud! You can be a little stinker but you always keep us smiling!

Your life has made me love your dad more deeply than I ever thought I could. Even before you were born he was a great husband and father. He took such good care of us during those difficult times before you were born and when things got hard he didn’t back down or break down he was my rock. Having you has reaffirmed my love and commitment to him. Since you came along I see a different side to him, one that is so unselfish and so giving. He stays up late and gets up early so that I can get sleep. He stays home when he would rather be out hunting and fishing because he knows I need his help. He works long hours and works hard around the house and is the most helpful husband and father I have ever met! I don't know how I got so lucky, I am thankful everyday for him and his commitment to us.  I hope you will learn from him and someday be the kind of man he is.

You have made me love my parents more, realizing now the kind of love they have always had for me. It makes me feel guilty for all the heartache I caused them over the years. I understand now how they could love me, even after all the trials of my childhood, and the challenges of raising a back talking, sassy teenager and the unthinkable pain of letting me go- to college, (even overseas for three months) and then eventually giving me away in marriage. What devoted parents I had to always love and support me through all that! I can’t imagine having better parents to teach me lessons of life but more important lessons in loving and serving the Lord.

You have made me love the church and the friends we have there even more. We have been so blessed by them since you were born. So many people prayed for your safe arrival and gave us gifts and brought us food . . . what a blessing to have such a wonderful church family.

And lastly, you have changed the way I love my life. When you were born you created in me a real reason for living and loving my life. So many days have come and gone without so much as an acknowledgement that they were even here. But with you everyday is precious. I love my life as monotonous as it may be. I love our cozy and now cluttered house (I used to clean like a maniac, but not anymore). I love our time at home; boring days of playing in the floor in our jammies (I used to be so bored sitting at home, but not anymore). I love reading to you, even though you won’t sit still for more than a minute. I love mealtime and how much you enjoy making a mess (Oh, how I hate messes! But your messes are different). I love taking you to church. I love seeing you interact with other kids. I love our busy, crazy life. I love our family of three. And I love that you made all happen. I know this is where God wants me to - right here in this moment - loving my ordinary life and ever grateful for my extraordinary blessings.

Thank you; you will never know how much you have changed my life and how much you have taught me about love. Well, at least not until you have your own child.

Happy birthday Stratton,

I love you today and tomorrow and forever,

Mommy

The worst week!

Monday Jarrod and I were both off for the 4th holiday weekend, which was so nice. What was even nicer was that my mom and dad had Stratton and we had a nice day of doing nothing-ahhhh. . .it was also a good thing because I was having an "episode" Sunday night and Monday.  Well, Tuesday was back to work and I started to get a cold. I got my Sprue panel test results and they were negative. I guess that's a good thing. I did a little more research and it was going to be expensive to go gluten-free! But it would have been nice if that was the problem and I didn't have to have anymore tests. My next tests are scheduled for July 19th. They will be doing a CT scan on my small and large intestines. Hopefully, it will be all clear. I am also probably going to try to see a specialist in LR. I am so tired of being sick all the time. I don't think that the doctors here are taking me seriously enough. They know I don't have anything life threatening so they aren't in any rush to figure out what is going on with me, while I am miserable and my inability to eat regularly and go about my normal life is making it super hard on me. Anyway. . .enough about that!

Tuesday my cold was getting so bad that I could barely talk. I couldn't even answer the phone at work because you couldn't hear me! Then Tuesday night Jarrod got "sick". Really sick. I have never heard someone sound like that throwing up. It scared me!! He was in and out of the bathroom from about 11pm-4am. Even after two doses of phenegren he was still getting sick. I was up (couldn't breathe and was coughing and busy taking care of J) most of the night as well, so at 5am we called Margie to see if she would come get Stratton to get him out of the house. You know me, I get the stomach virus at least once I year. I usually get it from people who don't even have it, their kids or spouse have it and then I get it?! So she came and got Stratton and he was gone by 6:30am. Good thing. I struggled with nausea all day Wednesday but didn't actually start getting "sick" till later Wednesday night. I wasn't as bad as Jarrod, though. Wednesday night after being sick all night Tuesday and then being tired and nauseous all day Wednesday Jarrod starts getting "kidney stone pains" he still has one that moves around sometimes. He was really hurting, so he took a pain pill, which knocked him out. Which was good because we would have had to call someone to take him to the ER if it got much worse, b/c he couldn't drive and I was hurling in the bathroom! So,  we were a sad, sad, pathetic sight!! I ended up missing work Wednesday, Thursday and went in late on Friday but still wasn't feeling great, but I had to get some things done. I still had a cold and it seemed to be getting worse so after being up coughing all night Friday I went to urgent care on Saturday and yep I have a sinus infection. So I got a steroid shot and antibiotics!  The good news is I weigh less than I have in about 5 years, haha. Hey, there's a bright side to everything, right?? Unfortunately, I still haven't gotten a good night's sleep yet. Stratton came back home Saturday afternoon and decided he didn't want to sleep in his bed last night. Jarrod had to sleep with him in the recliner all night. He even let him "cry it out" for almost 45 mins and he was not giving it up. I think he is getting another tooth (on our way to #8) so that probably had something to do with it. And I couldn't stay up with him because I was coughing so much he wouldn't have been able to sleep with me holding him, so we got like maybe 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night! Jarrod took S to church this morning, but I just couldn't make it! I am completely worn out!! I think I will be able to sleep tonight-with the help of my friend Mr. Codeine. . .Hey, don't judge! I gotta get some sleep-this week is going to be majorly busy!!! 

Stratton's birthday is tomorrow?!! I HOPE I can get out of bed in the morning. I am thinking I might be a little depressed. Where has the year gone?! My mom and dad are coming to dinner tomorrow night for S's bday, then the rest of the week will be full of shopping, crafting, decorating and basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off!  I have lots of last minute stuff to do before Stratton's birthday party on Saturday!!

No surgery!

At least for now, anyway. I had an appointment with the surgeon that did my tests last week. Jarrod had the impression from his talk with him last week that he would need to remove the lipoma in my colon pretty soon, but he told Jarrod he needed to review the information again and do some thinking. Well I guess when he went back and reviewed the pictures from the procedure he decided that the risks of surgery outweighed the benefit of having it removed right now. To remove it would mean taking out part of my colon, which is pretty serious and there are all sorts of complications that could happen. Since this spot (probably about the size of a gumball) shouldn't be causing me any pain and isn't actually blocking anything he wants to leave it for now. He will continue to watch it and if it does get large enough that it is causing problems then he will remove it.

It just so happens I was having one of my "episodes" it started Tuesday night and hadn't gotten any better, if anything it was getting worse. I was telling him about it and then I re-told him how a few years ago I was having a lot of problems and my doctor then thought I was lactose intolerant, somehow that sparked a thought about another doctors daughter that had very similar symptoms. He even took her gallbladder out and she was still really sick all the time. Finally she was tested for Sprue, which is just basically a food allergy to gluten. Turns out she had it! And she started eating a gluten free diet and is back to normal. So, yesterday he sent me to have some blood work done to see if I too have sprue (it's also called celiac disease) we should know something in a few days. It really does make sense because I feel worse after I eat and rarely do I eat and not have bread or something with wheat flour in it (it's in almost everything!). After doing some researching on my own and I pretty convinced this is what it is and I read that lactose intolerance is common in people with celiac sprue, vital improvements occur when a lactose-free diet is introduced Which is what I did several years ago and I have been fine until around February.I also read that having surgery, or even pregnancy can trigger (not cause) it. Hmm. . .and the symptoms are identical to what I have. I am not excited about having to drastically change my diet, but it's better than surgery and if it makes me feel better again then I will just have to make the commitment. At least now there are more products available than there used to be. Jarrod even found a web site (GlutenFree.com) where you can get just about anything gluten free- even pasta! So, maybe it won't be so bad.

If that test comes back negative (sigh.) then he suggested we do more tests. Up next would be a CT scan on my large and small intestines to see if there might be something there causing my problems (like another lipoma or ulcer). If that too comes up negative then we will meet back with him again and discuss our next move. He still is 100% sure it isn't my gallbladder or this lipoma. He said that lipmoas are never painful and that my symptoms are not similar enough to the symptoms of a person with gallbladder problems. He also said that IBS is still a contender. If both of these tests come back negative they might try some different meds for IBS and see what happens. He said he can be very, very, painful and has seen people in the ER thinking they are dying and it was just IBS. But he did say that nausea and vomiting are not normally associated with IBS, but since there are no tests that can confirm IBS, it's mainly a disease of exclusion (nothing else can be found) and it can be so different in different people, who's to say that's not my problem after all? Ugh. 

I left the Dr.'s office feeling pretty good. He doesn't think I need surgery, so that was a major surprise and a welcome one! Hopefully we will know something about the Sprue test by Monday or Tuesday.

Into Everything!

Stratton is such a busy boy! He is into everything. He has recently found the cat food- I don't think he ate any- and even things I think he wouldn't get into, he does. It's hard to leave him alone for more than a few seconds, he can make a big mess fast! He isn't afraid of anything. We can be in a place he has never been before and he will just take off like he owns the place! He is never still. Changing his diaper or clothes is such a battle! Church is getting harder. He doesn't like to sit for very long at all. And we can't put him in the floor he'd be gone in a heartbeat! Jarrod had to take him out twice during Sunday morning worship yesterday.

He was actually trying to climb my bakers rack! He was putting his foot on the first shelf before I broke the camera out. Does climbing just come naturally to boys or what?! He likes to pull my cook books off, too. That's a big "No, No!"

He pulled all the tp off the roll and then threw the roll in the floor! He did this in a matter of seconds! I am constantly amazed at the mess he can make in such little time!

Of all the toys in his toy basket he finds the easter eggs? They are the ultimate toy of choice at the moment, he likes to tap them together. Of course this picture was taken before he pulled every toy in the basket out and then crawled out of the room leaving his mess for me to clean up! I can't wait till he is old enough to actually pick up after himself!

Still a big fan of his bear, as you can see he still chews on his foot. He will actually say "bear" sometimes. He has a green one that matches his bedroom that sits on the shelf above the changing table and I let him play with it while changing his diaper. So we practice saying "Bear" a lot. So he can say "Dada", "BaBa", "Bear" and lots of other sounds, but still no "Mama". . . sigh.

He loves to go naked! After his bath in the evening sometimes we let him "air out", it's been so hot and he has had a little heat rash on his rump so I figure it's good for him. Too bad it's a major fight to get him back in the diaper and pj's afterwards!

After a long day at daycare he was worn out! He fell asleep in his highchair in the middle of his supper with his sippy cup in his mouth. And when I tried to take it out he would cry and stick it back in his mouth and go back to sleep?! Such a funny boy!

 

Not so great.

I must warn you I am writing this post under the influence! I am still a little drowsy from the sedation, took a pain pill a little while ago and don't feel great at the moment. I had my colonoscopy and upper GI endoscopy this morning. The prep was pretty bad. The stuff that you have to drink for the colonoscopy is horrible. I almost threw up several times. It was really tough. And of course I was up and down all night going to the bathroom, so I didn't get much sleep. Then we had to get up at 4am to get ready to be at the hospital at 5:30. (and just a note- it doesn't help to get there early because they aren't even there until 5:30!) My tests were scheduled for 7:00 so we waited in little area on a  small hospital bed separated by the other patients having outpatient procedures done by nothing more than a curtain-fun. They wheeled me back about 10 till 7 and I got to talk briefly to the surgeon, I was a little sidetracked however because my veins kept blowing so they kept having to redo my IV and when they finally found a good vein she said it was "positional" and kept wiggling it around to find a good spot- owwweee. Anyway, they finally started the IV the nurse ask me to bite on this mouth piece thing and asked to me roll over . . . . . . and the next thing I know Jarrod is sitting next to me talking on the cell phone!

The surgeon removed a spot from the area between by esophagus and stomach when they did the endoscopy, I guess it was just a polyp of some sort. He also said I have severe acid reflux (which we knew) and I even have the pictures to prove it- don't worry I won't post those, they are pretty gross! Then when he did the colonoscopy he found a Lipoma which is just a benign growth. (The picture is pretty interesting, it's cool to see your insides, but again I won't share!)  Guess what? It's SUPER rare in the colon. Yep. Leave it to me to get something really rare. He has only seen one other person with this in his whole career (does that give you confidence about him operating on me or what?) And that lady's was so large it was cutting off her small intestines. Luckily mine isn't that big. . .yet. He told Jarrod that I needed to have it removed or it would cause other more harmful problems. BUT he has NO idea how he is going to do the surgery. (haha- not kidding) He has to do some thinking and researching since mine isn't as connected as the one he did before or something (I am hoping that's a good thing).  We are meeting with him on Thursday to go over the options. So great, they found my problem, right?! He is going to remove this "thing" and I will be all better, right? Uh, wrong. He said most likely this is just a coincidence that they found this today and the pain I am having isn't coming from this growth. Ugh. I have no idea what will happen now. I know I will be having surgery in the future, I just hope and pray that somehow he is wrong and the Lipoma is what was causing my pain after all. We don't know anything about the surgery, like if it is outpatient or not and how evasive it will be. I tried to look it up on the internet but there isn't that much info about it. I guess we will find out on Thursday.

Today has been kind of rough, I am still having my abdominal pain and it was really bad after we got home, so Jarrod called the nurse from this morning and she said to go ahead and take the pain meds I have been taking, that the air they use to blow you up during the procedure was probably making it worse for me today. I am trying to take it easy and nap, I just feel really tired and sore. I hope tomorrow I will be feeling better!

Jarrod's mom came and got Stratton yesterday afternoon and he is staying with them until tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be feeling much better and we can go to Searcy. Jarrod's dad had to work last weekend so we haven't got to do father's day with him yet!

Weekend and Father's Day

Friday night we went to eat at Pizza Chef with our group of friends from church- Girls got to choose the restaurant. . .that's right Amy and Dustin are having a GIRL!? Stratton is really going to have some hard choices to make when he gets to the "dating" age (around 30, right?) there are only two or three boys in that age group and all the rest are girls! Dustin even sat Stratton down and had a "talk" with him. . .haha. Like they will even want to date, our kiddos will probably be like brothers and sisters! Jarrod had to meet us at the restaurant since he worked late and came straight from work in his work truck, so after we ate Stratton and I ventured out to get Father's day gifts. We went to Lowes first and that was a bust, then I had some things I needed to pick up at Office Depot where he threw a HUGE fit. I was soooo embarrassed! Luckily the guy helping me had kids and was super nice. After that we went home!

Saturday Jarrod had to work, so Stratton and I didn't do a whole lot, we did get out about 1pm and went to LifeWay to finish our Father's Day shopping. I just carried him in and boy was that a mistake! I ended up getting 2 bibles and wanted them engraved, well that was going to be a 20 minute wait! The guy said "If you have some other errands you want to run we will call you when they are finished and you can come back and get them." I was like uh, I think I will just wait! It would have taken 20 minutes just to get back to the car get S buckled in and out on the road! So we went back to the children's section where Stratton pulled all the books off the shelf while I went behind him and put them all back. ugh. I was wore out by the time we got home!!

We went to Hickory Ridge when Jarrod got off work to have Father's Day dinner with the Gibson's. We got to visit with the fam and Stratton had a good time getting to play with Cooper. They don't get to see each other very often anymore since Miss Laney came along and Stratton started Daycare. They were really funny together. At one point Cooper started to straddle Stratton while he crawled - like he was going to try and ride him- lol! Boys!?!

Sunday we woke up early- Stratton is still getting up early, not at 3 am anymore but about 4-5am, still way too early. I fed him and put him back to bed and he slept till about 7:15. I got him up and he was in a great mood so we climbed back in bed with Jarrod and gave him the rest of his father's day presents and cards. (He got a new leaf blower earlier in the week, I had to give it to him b/c where am I going to hide that?!) Stratton got him a book and a new bible. Then we all got up and got ready for church. After morning services  (where I might add my Uncle Brian was appointed a Deacon! We are so proud of him!) we headed back to HR for Father's Day with the Wilson's. We had a good lunch and a long visit at my grandma and grandpa's house. My cousin Josh and his wife, LeAnn and their kids came and so Stratton got to play with them, even though they are quite a bit older. We also were entertained my Stratton's infatuation with the glass door.

Father's day is a special day to me. I am so blessed to have been surrounded with Godly men my whole life. My Grandpa and Dad are the best men in the world, and I'm not just saying that because they are family. I think you could ask anyone that knows them and they would tell you the same thing. I am so very grateful that Stratton will get to grow up knowing and loving and being influenced by these great men, I can't imagine my life without them.

Sunday night was the start of our VBS so we didn't have church until 6:30. It was a long time from 6:30-8:15! After church we ran to Walmart, S was by then of course pretty cranky so it was a quick trip

[helping Pops open his card]

[fascinated going in and out]

[licking the glass door]

[only a face a mother could love- lol!]

[funny smushed face]

Happy First Father's Day Jarrod!

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.  ~Johann Schiller

On your very first Father's day I want to thank you for being such an awesome father. Stratton adores you and it's no wonder. You are his hero, I can already see that even though he is only 11 months old. I am so thankful that he has such a good role model for a father, by living your life in a way that is pleasing to God you are teaching our son to do likewise. He really is the luckiest little boy I know. And I am the luckiest girl I know, by loving our son so completely and earnestly I feel loved too. I can't explain the feeling that I have when I see the way he looks at you or to see the way you look at him, it's in those heartwarming moments that I get to see just a glimpse of the special bond you share. Thank you for working so hard to provide for us, thank you for being committed to me and our marriage and and thank you for being my partner in raising our son to hopefully be the kind of man his father is.                   ~I love you.